Go big or go home…..

To say I’m humbled is the understatement of the year…. I guess to go big or go home has always been my motto. When I lost weight it was a huge transformation of 60 lbs. When I got pregnant it was twins. when I decided to share a silly pipe dream it was to chat to/meet/Skype Ellen Degeneres. So yeah, I guess it is go big or go home….. And if not now then when…… 

The amount of shares, views, likes, comments we have seen today has blown me away. I am me just trying to live a life my girls and those that are around me would be proud of. If I can inspire 1 person to not give up then all this is worth it.When I first started this journey my wife said I should write a book. I said no way my story happens everyday. For no reason then it happens we all go through something that isn’t fair, isn’t our fault. I guess at that point we have a choice to face it head on be positive and battle against the tide or to give in, fall down. Well Im a mom first and foremost. When I think of myself that’s what I see and what and how I hope my girls respond to life is hopefully the example I lead. 

I am not perfect….  Listen knowing my time is limited is tough. I don’t want anyone to lose heart and hope reading my story. Bone marrow transplants and chemo does work. This is merely my journey my story, it’s not someone else battle. Just because it didn’t work for me doesn’t mean it won’t work for you. This is why I have been afraid to share what I’m going through. As during all the treatment clinging to the hope that this will work is the only thing that will get you through. And given a choice I’d go through it all again. Because you must believe in hope. It got me this far……

Some days I look at my girls and wife and it takes all my might not to crumble. Every night I tuck my girls in and hold back the tears. But you know what forever would not be long enough. No one knows how much time we have left. I guess what I am saying is thank you for giving me this chance to leave a legacy. To leave a message to others battling a war no fault of their own that winning and battling is not about being cured it’s about how you live your life through it. I consider myself a survivor never a victim. 

Yes I have a dream…. To meet Ellen…. but I also want to thank my incredible medical team  starting at whiston hospital on ward 2a, then the Royal Liverpool hospital and ward 10z my superhero medical team of consultants, doctors, nurses, health care staff, cleaners and everyone in between, the NHS is and has been keeping me alive. I have never been treated as merely a patient or a file or a name but treated with respect and dignity. My teams have all gone over and above their call of duty and I will be forever in their debt. I also need to mention my super hero donor who not only donated his bone marrow but gave me the priceless gift of time and hope. Someday I dream of meeting him too. Giving him a huge hug of pure gratitude and unending love. He has literally saved my life. Without him I wouldn’t have had the past 2 years and I can’t bear to imagine that. He is a real life superhero. 

I just need to say your words and actions aren’t going unnoticed you have all given me such hope and love and positive energy….. My story is long from over….. It will be my body that long gives in before I do because I understand my little body can only take so much but for now we live, we celebrate, we just keep swimming…..much love


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